I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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