Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
