He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
