Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
