Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
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I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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