I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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