if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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