i jhust puked up my retainher.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
