Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
