maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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