google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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