The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
