I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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