apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
