this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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