I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
