weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
