I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
