im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
