The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
did i walk over a car last night?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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