the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize