so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
