No more Irish car bombs ever.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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