Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize