P.S. I can't hear my feet
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize