I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
