So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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