whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
