so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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