Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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