You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
