Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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