hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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