I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
