I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize