I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
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Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
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i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Someone signed my nipple.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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