I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
