It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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