I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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