Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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