You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
