I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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