just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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