Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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