My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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