Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
