Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
