what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
