soooo we both peed the bed last night...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
