What did we do last night that was yellow?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
