no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
