Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Randomize
