Your favorite bartender is back from prision
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well I just put wine in my tea
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
