Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
