Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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