iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
