I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
