just come out here and I will go home with you...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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