Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
