Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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