No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
