I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
