Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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