Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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