If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My penis needs a shock collar
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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