I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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