idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
