i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
